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This post started as a discussion on the Ideagasms forum. One of the guys on the forum wrote that he was afraid to tell his new girlfriend that he had had experiences with prostitutes:

“I’ve fucked about 70 - 80 call-girls / hookers in my life, in a span of 4 years. It was a very dark period in my life. I’ve recently become very intimate with a girl even though we haven’t had sex. We know so much about each other, except I haven’t shared this, knowing how SCARILY similar we are, she probably has other “skeletons in the closet” just like me in this case.

“I know I need to share all this if there’s to be complete trust and no more “skeletons”. I know I did not catch any STDs from the hookers, from previous tests; I still want to take us to get tested before we have sex, even just for it’s symbolic act of trust.”

I jumped in with this reply ….

There’s nothing wrong with visiting a prostitute. Very likely it will only be an issue with your woman if it’s an issue with YOU.

If it’s a problem for you: 5DC. (This is Stephane’s 5DC formula for resolving inner conflicts through compassion. It’s available as a free download.)

Going to a prostitute is one way of exploring your sexuality. I’ve had many experiences with prostitutes. I’m no longer that interested, but I wouldn’t exclude the possibility in future. And I don’t judge myself.

One thing I learned is that by paying for sex I gave myself permission to express the full volume of my sexuality. I wasn’t going to see the woman afterward so it didn’t matter.

I also learned that I need more than just a warm female body to enjoy sex. I always need more time with the woman, a chance to make a real connection, touch and sensuality.

Prostitutes provide a valuable service!

I have no problem sharing my experiences with women, girlfriends and lovers. Mostly, they are curious.

If it turns out your girlfriend judges you for this behavior, then it tells you something about HER.

5DC, my friend.

Then another forum poster chimed in with this reply:

When I first met Steph, he asked me if I’d ever fucked a hooker. Then he went on for a few minutes about how everyone should fuck hookers to learn true compassion. 70-80 hookers = a lot of compassion.

Another guy asked for clarification, and so I continued with the thread:

I think I see what Steph was getting at.

The appeal of a hooker is that you can get sex on demand. With most of us guys, bedding a woman takes some amount of skill, persistence and luck. All it takes to fuck a hooker is you walk in the front door with cash in your hand.

Who here hasn’t ever wanted to just cut through the bullshit and enjoy sex, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW? Be honest with yourselves.

ALL MEN, at one time or another, want the experience of sex on demand. However, most people are too afraid to color outside the lines. We’re afraid that other people will judge us, and so we end up judging OURSELVES.

Having compassion for yourself means looking at yourself in the mirror and ACCEPTING even the darkest, most forbidden parts.

Robbie still feels guilty about fucking hookers, because he isn’t ready to accept this part of himself yet. What he may not realize is that acting out these urges is, in fact, an act of COURAGE. Robbie risked the disapproval of his family, friends and society to explore a side of himself that most people never even ACKNOWLEDGE.

I’m not saying that prostitutes are the ultimate sexual experience. For me, they are not. The point is I needed to fuck a few dozen whores in order learn that for myself.

Compassion is accepting yourself fully, warts and all. Compassion is also assimilating the lessons you have learned by exploring your dark side.

Fucking 70-80 hookers DOES teach you important lessons about yourself, and it also teaches you something about women. But that’s another story …

I’m not saying that everybody needs to go out and fuck 70 hookers in order to gain compassion.

What I am saying is that each and every one of has a dark side, a part of ourselves that we hesitate to face or even admit. A part that we hide from our friends and family and especially ourselves.

This isn’t my idea, this is Karl Jung.

I want to make it clear that I’m not accusing you, Robbie or anyone of anything. In truth, I can only speak for myself. Maybe you really don’t have a dark side - you’re completely comfortable with all aspects of your desires, secret wishes and behaviors. If that’s the case, then God bless you and please move on to the next post.

Most of us do struggle with some hidden, unacceptable parts of ourselves that we are terrified to face. We put on our public faces and pretend to be just like everyone else (just like everyone else is pretending).

For some, this incongruence only emerges in a mid-life crisis. You’ve achieved all that you set out to achieve but then you realize it still isn’t enough. You’re still not living the life that you’ve always wanted to live.

There’s power in facing your darkest side and accepting it.

I was lucky. It only took me the breakup of a five-year relationship and the collapse of my career. Most people go to the grave without truly facing themselves and accepting what they see.

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